Still

I am sitting here in the late afternoon listening to the warm whispers of The Reminder by Fiest. The weather outside is mild and inviting, almost as if it is waving a white flag in an offering of peace after the violent heat that is "not appropriate" for early summer. I am reminded, though, that this is California. A recent road trip up north to Davis revealed that this state is as much desert as it is rolling hills and ocean views. Life is like that isn't it?

I appreciate the stillness of the present moment. And the clarity of hindsight. So, reflecting on the last few months and allowing the outside weather to influence me, I have decided to call a "truce" with my wavering emotions. I have sat in the desert for days and cried. But my tears did not flow enough to create a river that saturated and changed the land. I felt them on my cheeks...and then the dried up. Being a newlywed, I have also gazed upon hills of endless beauty and the dazzling seaside and known that even if I daily add a bucket of water to the ocean, it will not make a differnce. My joy will not cause something so vast to oveflow.

The passing of my dear friend and grandmother has been such deep sorrow. And yet the wonder of my new marriage and the building of our life together has almost "balanced out" the woes. And so, I sit with a stable heart rate and body temperature, in the late afternoon, with my music and my Savior...and I am still.