There are these little moments that I keep under lock and key in my brain. They may not seem like much {to anyone else} but to me, they are some of my most treasured possessions. I wanted to share them with you, Dad, because you are old and maybe you don't remember them : )
1. In elementary school I was elated when I made the cheer squad. I raced to the door to tell you when you got home but mom had already beat me to it. You entered the room with a big balloon that said "Congats!". It was so thoughtful and you were so excited to give it to me. That balloon didn't make it through the move from Forrest Street to Los Rogues, but it was hidden with my rock collection for quite a few years.
2. We moved to Arizona for a little bit, and then decided to move back to California. You got a job that needed to start right away and you had to leave and start work before we could all come out. The plan was clear, you would be home every other weekend to visit us until we could move out to be with you. It had only been a week since you left and I heard a "bump in the night". I came out to find you sitting at the top of the stairs. I always knew you loved us, but I didn't realize how hard it was for you to be away from us. Back then, Southwest had this deal where "friends flew for free" and you let me know that you had wanted to bring by best little friend {Rebecca Summers} out to visit me. Once again, I was reminded of how sweet and thoughtful you are.
3. Sometime in Jr. High we were out running errands and you had to stop by a fast food restaurant for a minute. The guy at the window the other day had given you too much change back and you wanted to make sure it was returned to the manager. This was not abnormal for you, but I remember thinking that I was so lucky to have a Dad who valued integrity. You have always encouraged us to do the right thing, no matter what the cost.
4. My sophomore year of high school I went {yet again} to summer camp. Each day of the week I received a post card from someone in my family. The last day, I walked up to the speaker who had announced my name for mail with a little hesitation. It was the banquet day if camp and I was all dressed up with perfect makeup and sitting next to a boy I had a massive crush on. I looked down and saw your handwriting...instantly I started to tear up. The first words were that you were "proud of me" and that teenage, insecure, kind of awkward girl needed nothing more than to hear those words from her Dad. That postcard has survived through six moves. Even in this morning, I know right where it is.
There are lots if moments from there to here that are too personal to share on a blog, moments talking about your childhood, helping me through tough decisions, being reassured that you were always on my side, talking about how much we would/do miss Gary, and doing precious things to make Mom feel special.
The best moment, though, I do want to share:
5. Right before the door opened, you turned to me with tearful eyes and said "Are you sure you still want to do this? Because if you don't, I'll march you right out of this church and I will take care of everything." I knew that you would. I have always known that you would do anything you could to protect me and that before you were about to give me away, you were still making sure I was safe. We walked into that room and down the isle, I held your arm so tight and smiled as you told me to "keep my eyes in the prize". You got an opportunity to challenge David with those powerful words "besides her mother, Anna is the most precious thing I have in this earth". Then, you gave me away. Really though, you gave me away a long time ago. You and mom always put us in the hands of the Lord and trusted Him with our lives.
Thank you for being a Dad who cares about the details and notices little things. Thank you for loving Mom so fiercely and giving us girls such a powerful example of what a leader is and what a godly marriage should look like. Thank you for your humor and wit that so often make my day just a little bit better. Thank you for choosing to live a life that is sold out for Christ. You are a rock, Dad, and I don't know many men that have as much integrity as you do. It hasn't always been easy to be your daughter, but I have always been proud to call you my Dad. I am so glad that God have us you.
I love you.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
There's a Fountain...
I cry at completely inappropriate times. I could never be an actress who delivers one of those gut-wrenching, Jane Austen worthy, Kate Winslet type of performances. I didn't cry when David proposed, at my wedding, my grandmother's funeral, or when one of my best friends walked down the isle. Here's the deal, though. I cried (sobbed really, for like a half an hour) when I watched Toy Story 3. I cried at a Civil Wars concert. I cried (well, almost) when USC lost the Bowl Championship Series to the Texas Longhorns.
There may be something wrong with me. There are moments where I feel deep agony and for some reason, I can't seem to produce one drop. The moments that I do get "misty" seem totally involuntary. Seriously, like I have no control over my body. (Side note: The whole "me-not-crying-at-the-right-times" is the rule, but it doesn't mean there aren't exceptions.)
Anyway (the point, the point, I ought to get to it eh?) I was visiting a friend's church on Sunday and in the middle of worship a girl came out to do Spoken Word. I LOVE Spoken Word. It's all about the salty/sweet combination of poetry, dynamic, and free form. As she was speaking I felt my heart actually begin to beat faster. She spoke this line "I would still rather draw, than listen." And it happened...
The floodgates opened and steady streams made their way from my tear ducts down to the bottom of my chin where I quickly whisked them away before they dropped to my chest. I wish I had every line of her masterpiece for you but basically, in that moment, her words cut straight to my core. It's about control. About the fight my flesh and mind have against the Lord. About the desire to do anything but surrender. About my creative nature that keeps me sometimes from laying down my own dreams and vision for my life. It about so much more than all of those things. But one thing I know, that line is perfectly and tragically...ME.
She went on to talk about brokenness. She spoke of handing out the shards of her life to people, to anyone. I connected with her desire to be real and transparent. I knew that she wanted to submit to the Lord no matter how humiliating it was, no matter how much it hurt. She spoke of death. Death to one's self and to the things we need to put away. She talked about starting new and fresh and clean. She ended in resurrection.
I can't explain it all perfectly. I am not even sure that I have this whole crying things figured out. But I know that in that moment, I just let it all out. I felt suffering, relief, anguish, and overwhelming beauty. I was supposed to be there in that room and to be reminded (once again) that redemption has stories to tell. That this very day is new and is an opportunity to choose life, to choose Christ. That Jesus makes beautiful things out of the ashes and that every seed dies before it grows. And, that there is so much ahead of me. The Kingdom awaits, heaven is near, Christ is the hope that never fails.
This post is a little messy (much like me) and not quite as circular as I usually like to make things. But here's the deal, it's still part of this grand and terrifying adventure that is my every day life with my Savior. It's real.
And remember, dear ones, a day is coming when every tear will be washed away.
Even the inappropriate ones.
There may be something wrong with me. There are moments where I feel deep agony and for some reason, I can't seem to produce one drop. The moments that I do get "misty" seem totally involuntary. Seriously, like I have no control over my body. (Side note: The whole "me-not-crying-at-the-right-times" is the rule, but it doesn't mean there aren't exceptions.)
Anyway (the point, the point, I ought to get to it eh?) I was visiting a friend's church on Sunday and in the middle of worship a girl came out to do Spoken Word. I LOVE Spoken Word. It's all about the salty/sweet combination of poetry, dynamic, and free form. As she was speaking I felt my heart actually begin to beat faster. She spoke this line "I would still rather draw, than listen." And it happened...
The floodgates opened and steady streams made their way from my tear ducts down to the bottom of my chin where I quickly whisked them away before they dropped to my chest. I wish I had every line of her masterpiece for you but basically, in that moment, her words cut straight to my core. It's about control. About the fight my flesh and mind have against the Lord. About the desire to do anything but surrender. About my creative nature that keeps me sometimes from laying down my own dreams and vision for my life. It about so much more than all of those things. But one thing I know, that line is perfectly and tragically...ME.
She went on to talk about brokenness. She spoke of handing out the shards of her life to people, to anyone. I connected with her desire to be real and transparent. I knew that she wanted to submit to the Lord no matter how humiliating it was, no matter how much it hurt. She spoke of death. Death to one's self and to the things we need to put away. She talked about starting new and fresh and clean. She ended in resurrection.
I can't explain it all perfectly. I am not even sure that I have this whole crying things figured out. But I know that in that moment, I just let it all out. I felt suffering, relief, anguish, and overwhelming beauty. I was supposed to be there in that room and to be reminded (once again) that redemption has stories to tell. That this very day is new and is an opportunity to choose life, to choose Christ. That Jesus makes beautiful things out of the ashes and that every seed dies before it grows. And, that there is so much ahead of me. The Kingdom awaits, heaven is near, Christ is the hope that never fails.
This post is a little messy (much like me) and not quite as circular as I usually like to make things. But here's the deal, it's still part of this grand and terrifying adventure that is my every day life with my Savior. It's real.
And remember, dear ones, a day is coming when every tear will be washed away.
Even the inappropriate ones.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Hacked!
My personal space has totally been violated. My privacy ignored and my "rights" done away with. It's irritating. And yet, the most wonderfully, freeing, thing. I am so thankful that Jesus chooses to consume me, every single part.
It's beautiful (and rare) those near "autopilot" moments where I know that the Holy Spirit totally has control and all I have to do is be a vessel. There are these precious instances where I respond in a certain way (both in my heart and with my actions) and think to myself "There is no way this is the work of Anna Quinn...I would have totally screwed this up".
Jesus, thanks for hacking my heart and continuing to reboot and update this humbled heart. I want more of YOU and less of me.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.
It's beautiful (and rare) those near "autopilot" moments where I know that the Holy Spirit totally has control and all I have to do is be a vessel. There are these precious instances where I respond in a certain way (both in my heart and with my actions) and think to myself "There is no way this is the work of Anna Quinn...I would have totally screwed this up".
Jesus, thanks for hacking my heart and continuing to reboot and update this humbled heart. I want more of YOU and less of me.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Identity Crisis
It's so funny how quickly we can find identity in something. I was talking with a girlfriend the other day about a tv show and I exclaimed {enthusiastically} "That is MY show!". Really? A program on television? I actually attached something so minute to the essence of my being, to my identity.
Here are a few things that I have found my identity in over the last few years:
1. I am a newlywed
2. I am married to a man who works at Children's Hunger Fund
3. I work at Clover
4. I am a barista
5. I am a hairstylist
6. I am a daughter who is living far away from her family
7. I live in Simi Valley {specifically the West Side}
8. I attend Cornerstone Church
9. I am a singer/songwriter
10. I am in a constant state of transition
Those are all good things {well, most of them}. Those are all TRUE things. But those things do not make up who I am. They don't effect my standing in eternity. They didn't save my soul. And they certainly won't last forever.
A few weeks ago, David was laid off at Children's Hunger Fund. He was there for 9 years. I will be honest, this has been so hard for us. At the end of the day {even with all the good and bad that jobs bring into our lives} it was something that we were a part of, and we are mourning the loss. BUT, it should not shake our foundation. It's not who we are. And it would have been wrong for us to make it more than it really was. It was a temporary job on this planet that we temporarily call home.
Still, how often did I find my identity in the fact that my husband worked for a christian non-profit? I could go on and on about ways that I need to re-focus and remember that it's not about WHAT I find my identity in. But, I just want to end with a few things that the God WHO my identity should be found in has told me:
1. I am God's child. (John 1:21)
2. I have been redeemed and forgiven. (Colossians 1:13-14)
3. I am complete in Christ. (Colossians 2:9-10)
4. I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances. (Romans 8:28)
5. I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me. (Philippians 1:6)
6. I may approach God with freedom and confidence. (Ephesians 3:12)
7. I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7 )
8. I am free from condemnation. (Romans 8:1)
9.I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit. (1 Corinthians 6:17)
10. This world is not my home. (Philippians 3:20)
Amen?
Here are a few things that I have found my identity in over the last few years:
1. I am a newlywed
2. I am married to a man who works at Children's Hunger Fund
3. I work at Clover
4. I am a barista
5. I am a hairstylist
6. I am a daughter who is living far away from her family
7. I live in Simi Valley {specifically the West Side}
8. I attend Cornerstone Church
9. I am a singer/songwriter
10. I am in a constant state of transition
Those are all good things {well, most of them}. Those are all TRUE things. But those things do not make up who I am. They don't effect my standing in eternity. They didn't save my soul. And they certainly won't last forever.
A few weeks ago, David was laid off at Children's Hunger Fund. He was there for 9 years. I will be honest, this has been so hard for us. At the end of the day {even with all the good and bad that jobs bring into our lives} it was something that we were a part of, and we are mourning the loss. BUT, it should not shake our foundation. It's not who we are. And it would have been wrong for us to make it more than it really was. It was a temporary job on this planet that we temporarily call home.
Still, how often did I find my identity in the fact that my husband worked for a christian non-profit? I could go on and on about ways that I need to re-focus and remember that it's not about WHAT I find my identity in. But, I just want to end with a few things that the God WHO my identity should be found in has told me:
1. I am God's child. (John 1:21)
2. I have been redeemed and forgiven. (Colossians 1:13-14)
3. I am complete in Christ. (Colossians 2:9-10)
4. I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances. (Romans 8:28)
5. I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me. (Philippians 1:6)
6. I may approach God with freedom and confidence. (Ephesians 3:12)
7. I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7 )
8. I am free from condemnation. (Romans 8:1)
9.I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit. (1 Corinthians 6:17)
10. This world is not my home. (Philippians 3:20)
Amen?
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Green Wedding Shoes
Hey everyone! If you saw my work on Green Wedding Shoes and would like to see more, please follow me to my online portfolio. This is more of a personal blog that does not have my work on it. Hope you enjoy!
I am launching my new website July 15th! Can't wait!
Click HERE to see my Carbon Made portfolio.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Some Semblance
Some things I want:
Peace {the kind that passeth understanding}
A million dollar gift certificate to Anthropologie
To be debt free
Lola by Marc Jacobs
My family {all in the same place, at the same time}
To loose 30 pounds
Benefit Posie Tint Face Highlighter
A car of my very own
A tatoo
Authenticity
Someone to organize my bedroom
A baby
Sundresses
To be David's best friend
Think I want more than anything else:
To look a little more {even just the slightest bit more} like Jesus today, than I did yesterday
To move forward
Courage
Purity of heart
Peace {the kind that passeth understanding}
A million dollar gift certificate to Anthropologie
To be debt free
Lola by Marc Jacobs
My family {all in the same place, at the same time}
To loose 30 pounds
Benefit Posie Tint Face Highlighter
A car of my very own
A tatoo
Authenticity
Someone to organize my bedroom
A baby
Sundresses
To be David's best friend
Think I want more than anything else:
To look a little more {even just the slightest bit more} like Jesus today, than I did yesterday
To move forward
Courage
Purity of heart
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Kicking and Screaming
Sometimes He drags us there. Even though we pitch a fit, He {graciously} takes us by the shirt and says "I win, let's go."
I mean really, when was the last time that you laid down your weapons and chose not to fight. I rarely say to the Lord "Hey, I want to surrender to you, right now, the first time you ask me to." For some reason there is this burning in me, this pride, this rebellious heart that won't quit.
I think I am more aggressive than I care to admit. I have war in my blood. I'm feisty, scrappy even. My poor {sweet} husband must lay his head down at night and wonder if he will every be able to tell me anything without me freaking out. I can be a bit of a basket case. I don't like to be told what to do. I don't like to be wrong. And I certainly don't like it when I feel that I am not fully heard. I mean come on, who wouldn't want my "two cents", right?
WRONG.
There is this sweetness to meekness that I have not yet attained. I know that I will not ever be a push over or a "doll". I am not sure anyone has ever described me as "gentle". But I know that I could stand to give up and give in a lot more than I do. I will survive, even if I was not able to get my point across. I want {so badly} to be obedient. Simple obedience is so beautiful and admirable. It is such a pure response to our merciful Savior. He asks and I obey. No fight, no struggle, no kicking and screaming. I know He will be faithful to bend and break me until I form into what He wants me to be, where He wants me to go. But I long for the day that {by the power of the Holy Spirit} I just surrender, the first time.
Today I am thanking Jesus for my dear friend, Dave. We just had the most encouraging conversation. I could hear the hope in his voice. I could sense the surrender. His tone was different, his words, his well communicated heart. It was almost a dream. He has been a friend of mine for half of my life and I treasure him immensely. {But} I was not sure that He would ever be able to give up certain things in his life. Guess what? He did. He simply, painfully, wonderfully, and powerfully obeyed. I am sure there was a little kicking and screaming : ) But, he gave up his fight AGAINST the Lord and chose to take up his cross and fight FOR the things that are right. I am stoked, humbled, and challenged.
I am willing to fight to not be such a fighter anymore. Paradoxical I know, but hopefully you understand. Wishing you all a little PEACE. Love you much.
I mean really, when was the last time that you laid down your weapons and chose not to fight. I rarely say to the Lord "Hey, I want to surrender to you, right now, the first time you ask me to." For some reason there is this burning in me, this pride, this rebellious heart that won't quit.
I think I am more aggressive than I care to admit. I have war in my blood. I'm feisty, scrappy even. My poor {sweet} husband must lay his head down at night and wonder if he will every be able to tell me anything without me freaking out. I can be a bit of a basket case. I don't like to be told what to do. I don't like to be wrong. And I certainly don't like it when I feel that I am not fully heard. I mean come on, who wouldn't want my "two cents", right?
WRONG.
There is this sweetness to meekness that I have not yet attained. I know that I will not ever be a push over or a "doll". I am not sure anyone has ever described me as "gentle". But I know that I could stand to give up and give in a lot more than I do. I will survive, even if I was not able to get my point across. I want {so badly} to be obedient. Simple obedience is so beautiful and admirable. It is such a pure response to our merciful Savior. He asks and I obey. No fight, no struggle, no kicking and screaming. I know He will be faithful to bend and break me until I form into what He wants me to be, where He wants me to go. But I long for the day that {by the power of the Holy Spirit} I just surrender, the first time.
Today I am thanking Jesus for my dear friend, Dave. We just had the most encouraging conversation. I could hear the hope in his voice. I could sense the surrender. His tone was different, his words, his well communicated heart. It was almost a dream. He has been a friend of mine for half of my life and I treasure him immensely. {But} I was not sure that He would ever be able to give up certain things in his life. Guess what? He did. He simply, painfully, wonderfully, and powerfully obeyed. I am sure there was a little kicking and screaming : ) But, he gave up his fight AGAINST the Lord and chose to take up his cross and fight FOR the things that are right. I am stoked, humbled, and challenged.
I am willing to fight to not be such a fighter anymore. Paradoxical I know, but hopefully you understand. Wishing you all a little PEACE. Love you much.
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