Sunday, June 5, 2011

Kicking and Screaming

Sometimes He drags us there. Even though we pitch a fit, He {graciously} takes us by the shirt and says "I win, let's go."

I mean really, when was the last time that you laid down your weapons and chose not to fight. I rarely say to the Lord "Hey, I want to surrender to you, right now, the first time you ask me to." For some reason there is this burning in me, this pride, this rebellious heart that won't quit.

I think I am more aggressive than I care to admit. I have war in my blood. I'm feisty, scrappy even. My poor {sweet} husband must lay his head down at night and wonder if he will every be able to tell me anything without me freaking out. I can be a bit of a basket case. I don't like to be told what to do. I don't like to be wrong. And I certainly don't like it when I feel that I am not fully heard. I mean come on, who wouldn't want my "two cents", right?

WRONG.

There is this sweetness to meekness that I have not yet attained. I know that I will not ever be a push over or a "doll". I am not sure anyone has ever described me as "gentle". But I know that I could stand to give up and give in a lot more than I do. I will survive, even if I was not able to get my point across. I want {so badly} to be obedient. Simple obedience is so beautiful and admirable. It is such a pure response to our merciful Savior. He asks and I obey. No fight, no struggle, no kicking and screaming. I know He will be faithful to bend and break me until I form into what He wants me to be, where He wants me to go. But I long for the day that {by the power of the Holy Spirit} I just surrender, the first time.

Today I am thanking Jesus for my dear friend, Dave. We just had the most encouraging conversation. I could hear the hope in his voice. I could sense the surrender. His tone was different, his words, his well communicated heart. It was almost a dream. He has been a friend of mine for half of my life and I treasure him immensely. {But} I was not sure that He would ever be able to give up certain things in his life. Guess what? He did. He simply, painfully, wonderfully, and powerfully obeyed. I am sure there was a little kicking and screaming : ) But, he gave up his fight AGAINST the Lord and chose to take up his cross and fight FOR the things that are right. I am stoked, humbled, and challenged.

I am willing to fight to not be such a fighter anymore. Paradoxical I know, but hopefully you understand. Wishing you all a little PEACE. Love you much.

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